I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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