don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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