my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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