i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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