She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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