actually, I'm a sock model
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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