How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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