you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
that is very illegal...i love you.
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