that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
