So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
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Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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