I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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