i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Randomize
