you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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