my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
