My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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