Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Randomize
