i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
