Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Come share oat with me in your robe
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
