You're earring is so big in my mouth
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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