too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
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I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize