I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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