My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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