Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
