Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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