ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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