dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
