Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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