So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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