I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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