yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
