woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Life is so much better after having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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