I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
