I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
