I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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