i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
