If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize