were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
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There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
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Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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