You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
