My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
