i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
