I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
