this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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