dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
