I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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