so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
