Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Did you pee in the oven last night??
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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