i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize