how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
