You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
