i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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