I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
