So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
