Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
