they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
