Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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