I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
