I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize