id be glad to
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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