3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
