I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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